I looked around at dirty floors, loads of laundry, school curriculum to be organized...you get the picture! Not only was everything around me a mess, but it was 2:00, and I was still in my PJs! I hadn't even finished my cup of coffee. Two weeks in, and I was seeing "failure" all around me. The Lord quickly reminded me to commit my plans to Him. I prayed for Him to show me the next step. Hearing Titus' cries, I decided to go to his bedroom and try something that I had read from an adoptive mom regarding nap time. Our little guy sleeps all night (HUGE BLESSING) and barely makes a peep when we put him to bed, but he really struggles through his naps. I had tried to hold him and rock him, but he just screamed (no tears, just screams!). Honestly, God carried me into that room, because with the walls crashing in, the last thing I wanted to do was sit within 6 inches of this incredible set of lungs. With absolutely no tears, this sweet little thing can yell like nobody's business! He wailed as I walked in, and slightly opened his little eyes to see if I was looking. When he does this at the dinner table, we all count to three and holler back. His eyes will open wide and his face will break into a huge 6 tooth grin! Anyway, I tried to lay him down, but his legs were locked. I placed his little singing sea horse in his arms and reached through the crib to touch his legs. As he yelled, I prayed for God's wisdom and direction of just how to survive our family's transition. I was weary after just two weeks...how could we make it to a new normal? I knew that it was just right for me to stay with him, so I resolved to sit it out and take the time to use my free hand to check the 500+ emails that have been sitting in my inbox. Before doing so, I saw that I had a text from a sweet friend sent earlier in the day just about the same time I was feeling paralyzed by the challenges of our new family:
The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will not fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.
Psalm 37:23-24
Oh, how my heart and soul needed to hear that God was delighting in every detail of our lives! We had stumbled many times through the weekend, and I, their mother, had certainly stumbled, but He promised that we would not fall. He was holding my hand as I walked through each challenge and each glorious moment with our transitioning family. He held my hand and led me into the room with Titus, and those next few moments allowed me to laugh at a stubborn little guy who finally fell asleep. Those moments that I wouldn't have chosen for myself allowed me to stare at the wrinkles in his feet, the curls in his lashes, and long fingers that eventually grasped mine as he tossed in his bed. Through my hardest day, I fell a little deeper in love with my seven and the One that loved all of us before we ever knew the moments that laid ahead!
Here's a little clip of our little guy that refused to lie down:
After waking a little bit, he decided he would at least sit down:
So...here's to stumbles without falling! We're ready for the next week to come!
Hang in there, Momma. It DOES get easier, I promise!!
ReplyDeleteOh how I appreciate your transparency friend. We are praying for you all as you transition. I am so thankful for that verse today. I think I will put it somewhere where I can see it often:) So often as the mom of two so very close together in age I feel as though I am "stumbling" and often overwhelmed, but I do find this verse to be true. God always seems to speak or remind me of His love at just the right time. I pray He continues to do the same for you.
ReplyDeleteI so get this and we only brought ONE home! The piles; oh the piles... I remember days when I thought (even before I got out of the bed), "Lord, I CANNOT do it today." I was exhausted, frequently (constantly?) on the verge of tears, & overwhelmed. I'd send "911" PLEASE PRAY texts. Most moments, I wanted a pause button, but I joke we'd still be on day 3 if I controlled that :)
ReplyDeleteMy constant prayer was, "God, show me You in this. Show me the gospel." He did & it got us through. Some days I caught on quicker than others. Six months later, we see progress. We're not "normal", we're still tired, & sadly the piles remain, but it's not as hard as those first weeks where the goal was to survive the day!
Praying for endurance and abundant grace.
Michelle, May Lauren used to do this at night. It was awful. She would stand and each time she began to lose her balance and drift off, she would wake back up. We placed pillows all around her b/c we were afraid she would fall when asleep and whack her head. And here's what I can say: she's still stubborn as a mule. There are times it has served her well and times it has not. But it is her, to this day. Pray for wisdom to know how to help shape this quality of your little one into a might plus.
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