Thankful

During the last week of each pregnancy, Jason and I would watch for little signs that I might be in labor.  Every twinge would cause us to pause and wonder if "this" was the moment when life would change.  The ringing of our home or cell phone has become the twinge that we have looked for during this adoption journey.  Our home phone has number recognition, so as it rings, we anxiously wait to hear the robotic voice announce the caller's name.  Most of the time, our shoulders drop as we hear the name of a telemarketer.  As we have waited, we've become a little numb to the ringing of our phones and started ignoring the possibility that this could be it!  This could be the call with our court date!

Last Wednesday, as I was wrapping up our writing class, my phone rang, and I casually walked toward the receiver.  My heart leapt as I heard the robotic, broken voice call the name of our coordinator from our agency.  With a lump in my throat, I answered her call.  Her sweet voice announced who she was, and I could barely hear over the beat of my heart when she said, "We have a little movement in your case." A little?  She further explained that the letter that we had been waiting for had finally been processed, and we were being submitted to the courts for a date.  Great...but wait!  No court date???

Disappointment washed over me when I realized that this was only "Braxton Hicks."  Wikipedia defines Braxton Hicks as prodomal labor, or practice labor.  The call was just practice for what was to come.  Just as I reacted in the weeks before delivering my biological children, I was thankful for the process, but slightly disappointed because I was READY for the real thing.  Understandable, right?

In studying Exodus with my children, God so gently reminded me of the manna that He provided everyday for the people of Israel.  Their instructions were to gather what they needed for the day.  Those who gathered more and kept if for the following day found that the treasured manna began to smell and was filled with maggots.  They didn't trust that God would provide for them as He said He would.  Oh be still my heart...

My disappointment in not receiving the news didn't allow me to be thankful that God had moved us one step closer to what will come in His timing.  I didn't trust that He would bring our kiddos home because it wasn't in my timing...when I thought I was ready.

You see, those Braxton Hicks came at a time when the lives of my bio kids would have been jeopardized if they came when I wanted them to come.  In His perfect timing, they entered this world as pink and healthy bundles with healthy cries and coos.  On my timing, their story may have been different.

Why do I fret?  Why do I worry with the details?
He spoke so clearly in my quiet time this morning...

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee;

because he trusteth in thee.

Isaiah 26:3

So, we are thankful for the news, and thankful that God is preparing us and these three kiddos.  We are thankful that He doesn't move on our time, but his time alone!  We are thankful for the prayers of many of you that are reading this, and the sweet patience of our family coordinator that hears our whines week end and week out.  We are thankful for those that are caring for our little ones when we can't be there to love on them.  We are thankful, and in the wait, we place our mind on Jehovah Shalom, the Lord of Peace, and we trust Him.