We'd hoped we would have a court date by this point and in the middle of preparing to travel to Ethiopia. We thought the wait for a referral was difficult, but seeing the faces of our children a half world away and unable to do anything to speed up the process has been more difficult than we imagined. Several times I've come to our blog to update those of you who are praying with us, but I just close the page and hope that news will come sometime later in the day and the title of the post would be, "We're leaving for Ethiopia!"
Much to my dismay, that isn't the title of this blog. The wait reminded me of a time in our journey when Jason and I had very different ideas about the country from which we would pursue adoption. I had been praying that God would open his heart for months. He had only just agreed that God was calling our family to adoption. When faced with the decision of where....I wanted to go where we could get this show on the road! He had thoughts of Ethiopia which had recently posted reports of a major delay in their process. While my heart was broken for Africa, I couldn't stand the thought of any more delays, so I pressed for another country.
As we were "discussing" this matter over dinner, we stopped to pray. Jason grabbed my hand to lead us, and his phone vibrated. He was expecting an email, so I nodded that he should quickly check. He opened the email to find the weekly devotional sent by a Jostens' employee that regularly sends prayer updates and thoughts. Sharon had cut and pasted a short excerpt from Rick Warren. Jason smiled and read these words to me:
God’s delay may be a test of your patience. Anybody can be patient once. And, most people can be patient twice. And, a lot of us can be patient three times. So God tests our patience over and over and over.
Why? So he can see how patient you are? No!
He does it so you can see how patient you are. So you’ll know what’s inside you, and you’ll be able to know your level of commitment. God tests you so that you can know he is faithful, even if the answers you seek are delayed.
If you’re discouraged, turn it around by remembering God teaches you patience during delay. Ask him to transform your discouragement into patience.
I shrugged it off as chance, and we bowed to pray. Still determined that I knew best, we decided to speak with different agencies and work to seek an agreement. It seemed that I had not learned my lesson of keeping quiet and following the lead of my husband. The next day, a sweet friend gently reminded me of that principle, and I was less than happy to hear those words that pierced my prideful heart and decided to politely ignore her advice. Within minutes of hearing the bitter truth from my friend, I quickly searched through my email looking for some information to forward to someone. I saw an update on a blog for a family adopting from Ethiopia and waiting for the final travel dates to bring their children home. I wanted to see if she had heard any news. The title of her blog: Lessons in the Waiting. I clicked on the link and couldn't believe my eyes. You guessed it! She had the SAME lines from the Rick Warren post. Stubborn as I was, I shrugged my shoulders and quickly thought, "Lord, please just make it clear to us...to me!" I sifted through the other emails deleting some of the junk from my inbox. One of those deleted was a post from One World Prayer Team. The Lord quickly reminded me of my commitment to pray for the world for a year. I almost ignored the reminder, but decided to remove the email from the "Trash" and open it. Can you guess what I saw?
Yes! It was the flag from Ethiopia. That day, I was supposed to be praying for the country where our child was born. With tears streaming down my face, I asked the Lord for forgiveness, and I called Jason to say, "Our child is in Ethiopia."
The memory of those few days causes me to pause and ask, "What have I learned?"
For certain, we've learned that our ways are not His ways. We were happy with one little toddler, but He opened our hearts for three. I've learned that in my own strength, I don't have what it takes to raise 1 child. In my own strength, I'm terrified of raising 7. I've learned that I am more than thankful that I finally zipped my lips and let my husband lead in this process. He's so certain that these 3 little beauties are ours...I couldn't imagine not having that security because of my own coercion and manipulation in getting "my way!" I've learned that God loves these 3 more than I ever could, therefore, I must trust that HIS TIMING IS PERFECT! I'm learning patience. It's certainly a process.
And those are just a few to mention...
As we wait, we have perfect peace. We have updates that allow us to see "our littles" growing each week. Little bit looks to have his first tooth. Our little girl smiles more and more each week. And the oldest...words cannot describe. Just as we studied our first four from head to toe and learned every little sweet spot of their skin, we study the pictures to find every little detail each week. We only know them through pictures, but one thing is certain, our babies are in Ethiopia and each day is a day closer to home!
We'll keep you posted!
